Fear

In the midst of an emotion so overwhelming you would swear the other was the one meant for you. The connection and chemistry so strong, there isn't anything anyone could do to separate the two of you. Your hearts beat in sync and without evening truly knowing what the other is thinking their words find a way out of your mouth.

Fear sets in. Fear of loss, fear of being wrong, fear of the other not feeling the same. The other comes to you, sharing the exact same concerns and somehow, you both find strength in communicating your darkest thoughts with another who, ironically, knows exactly what you mean.

Feelings continue to grow, beyond your definition of what your ideal of loving another means into a territory that is new. You automatically begin changing for this person to preserve your place in their life. You sever ties with numerous connections to avoid conflicting emotions. You take everything you are to another level for this person and you find out secretly, they have been doing the same thing. The love grows ever so much more.

Any amount of time apart feels like an eternity. Minutes become hours, hours become days, days become weeks and a glance at the clock proves only a few seconds have passed you by. The love becomes it's own identity, dependent on your needs to be together. Sleeping becomes an impossible task without hearing the others voice. Daily routines are hindered in progress when the other is not available to wake with you. Negotiations are made to maintain a level of sanity and when met, both people blossom and flourish in an almost unstoppable rhythm.

As the love continues to grow and find that it has no boundaries and trust is developed, despite years of learning not to trust anyone but yourself, you find that you are free. Free from a world of limitations and confinements, free to be who you are with no concerns of who is watching or what others may think. The freedom this type of love offers is compelling and motivational, yet triggers jealousy and envy in others. The energy transmitted into the universe from people who want what you have creates obstacles that require patience to overcome. The world will throw many difficult situations that make it seem impossible for the couple to be together and the challenges escalate with their triumph over the last. As situations arise that lead the pair to believe it is just not working and tears are shed as they attempt to part ways, the pain felt is immense and beyond life shattering. While it is hard for them to be together, it is life threatening for them to be apart.

There is nothing that will keep me away from you, except you. When you push, I can only pull for so long before I feel defeated and let go. My soul wants to beg you to stay, my heart has no clue what is happening, but my head continues to convince me that what we had was imaginary and that you are just a great actor who deserves an Oscar. I find myself in a confusing situation, alone. I try to call so you can console me, but you refuse to answer.

I am strong. I have been where I am several times over and I know I can get through the pain again. I know I can raise our child and provide for them everything they will ever need to have a chance at life; which is all my love. I know I can continue and be fine without you. I know I don't need you. However, I believe these are the things you are using to fuel your fears to help you continue a path that leads away from us and if they are, I want you to know I am dying inside. I am weaker than I have ever been. Never in my life have I known the happiness you helped me find within me nor have I had the opportunity to glow and show the world what someone else means to me without saying a word. But you're right, I will be fine, eventually. I'm sure you will be as well. The sad part is that together, we would have been great.

My name is Penelope, and while I believe my husband to be dead, I will wait!